~*++*+*.BLaCkDiVa.*+*++*~

This feeling really sucks!

I feel so difficult to people these days. To head to a club I am so hesitant. My immediate worries will eventually start to flow like a river in my head. I always worry on my finances. I always worry on my outfits. I always worry if I don't fit in the group of whoever. I always feel that someone else needs to be there with me instead of just the clique who called me to go.

I don't know why but I just stopped myself from going to clubs. I just feel that I rather be at home or being out somewhere else with people I am comfortable with like my family, my cuzzies and probably, if they are still around, friend or friends.

Another problem is, I lately got kinda emo about some things in life.

Mom was leaving for Jakz today. Apparently no one was around except me. So I followed Mum to the airport. She checked in, had some bites and proceeded for boarding. After giving my goodbye kisses, seeing her walk towards her gate gave some heaviness at my heart. When she dissappeared into the walkway towards her gate, I just turned around and realise that tears were flowing from my eyes. I felt alone for a sudden. I just couldn't hold my emotion when I see her walk away. Well she is coming back this Sunday and I know I am just over-exaggerating about my feelings here. I guess I am the kind of person who just loves a Family Member too much and she will never tell the other party that she loves them.

In my heart, I wished I could follow her to Jakz. But then again, I told myself that it's back to reality and no fooling around when it comes to my life. This is the part I hate most in my adult life. I really wish I was young and studying again. I didn't need so much of responsibilities then. :P

To my little family in Jakarta, I miss you all. I can't wait for them to come back again. Especially the little one in our Family.

Leshawn Nishan Pillai, many miss you so much. I miss you more then them. No one knows how much I miss cleaning you up, feeding you, seeing you moving around in your pool of toys. I will never forget the moments of how I made you sit up and watch your MICKEY MOUSE shows. Dibo the Dragon was one of your favourites too. I got so addicted to the song till I even posted it on FB. I really wish I could carry you darling. I really miss you.

I am looking forward for Deepavali as this little mighty cute baby of the Nishans will be around. Technically I know I can't celebrate it super grandly due to my late uncle, N G Kutty, the ex journalist for the Malaysian and Local Papers.

Damn I got emo again. Haha. Well, I couldn't help it but to blog this. Just hope people do read my blog and give their views on my postings at my tagboard.

Ciaoz!

posted by ..BLaCkDiVa.. @ 12:53 AM